I don’t think writing this will do me any good. I don’t think reading this will do you...

Tue, 21 May 2013 11:49:45 -0400

I don’t think writing this will do me any good.

I don’t think reading this will do you any good.

I wrote this for 1 person only. he knows who he is.

you’ve hurt me more than anyone else ever has.

in my entire life.

but you’ve also made me happier than ive ever been. that’s why this is so hard.

because i still love you. so much more than you’ll ever love me.

and i care about you, so much more than you’ll ever care about me.

i would still drop everything for you if it meant i could make you happy.

and me feeling better could be seeing you for 5 minutes, i could be at your front fucking door, not too far out of your way, and you still wouldn’t do it.

Is it so wrong that one time, about 4 months ago, i asked you to write a text post about me. i check your tumblr every day. and one day i wanted to look at it and smile, and know that you were thinking about me. In all that time, you never have. you didnt have time, you couldnt find the right words, it doesnt matter why. in that time, you’ve written countless amounts about your depression. and now i realize why.

you’re in love with your depression. more than you’re in love with me.

i guess it gives you good reason to hate me, when i’m trying to get you out of it. i want you to be happy. but you never understand until youre out of it on the other side looking back. you always make me the bad guy for wanting you to be happy. because you just want to wallow.

we had plans yesterday. i woke up in a terrible place but knowing it would get better because i got to see you. you decided youd rather stay in bed all day and make love to your depression. so instead, i just got worse and worse. finally, it’s too late. and i go to look on your tumblr, hoping theres something nice about me, and what i find instead hurts me, but doesnt surprise me.

“I love my depression. It’s not a sadness, it’s a nothingness. I spent the whole day in bed watching the Underworld series and sleeping because I was unable to get out of bed. I hate being numb, but it’s so good sometimes.”

I’m so glad you enjoyed yourself while you were killing me.

you were all i needed to get out of this, but you couldn’t do that for me. because that was more important to you.

It took a while to get my head around, because sometimes you treat me so fucking great. but you dont care. you’ve said it to me so many times, i dont know why i always refused to believe you. even if you took it back, cuz it was just the depression talking. I hadnt realized this.

When your depression talks, you listen. When i talk, you push me away.

I can’t do this anymore. it all hurts too much.

you brought me all the way to the edge. i could turn around and start walking back toward solid ground, but it takes so much effort, and i just dont see a point to it anymore. I know you’ll push me right back here.

i want to save us so badly. i still love you more than anything. if you were to take me back, i bet you anything id try harder than ever to be perfect for you. i know i’m so far from perfect, but god would i try. but i guess im just realizing it doesnt matter. I stayed here for nothing all this time.

This time you pushed me all the way to the edge, so all i have to do is step off.

you wont see this till later, but i love you.

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Mon, 20 May 2013 13:24:54 -0400

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Sun, 19 May 2013 21:25:15 -0400

quiet-stormwater: quiet-stormwater: What did eddie vedder say when he got across the road He...

Sun, 19 May 2013 15:48:05 -0400

quiet-stormwater:

quiet-stormwater:

What did eddie vedder say when he got across the road

He mumbled some vowels. Nobody could figure out what he was saying.

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Sat, 18 May 2013 22:01:22 -0400

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Sat, 18 May 2013 21:53:45 -0400

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Sat, 18 May 2013 21:49:48 -0400

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Sat, 18 May 2013 19:07:50 -0400

supermodelgif: “Best of Beauty” Doutzen Kroes by Mario Testino...

Sat, 18 May 2013 19:05:44 -0400

supermodelgif:

“Best of Beauty” Doutzen Kroes by Mario Testino for Allure

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Sat, 18 May 2013 18:39:55 -0400

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Sat, 18 May 2013 13:18:36 -0400

bam-cobain: “It was time for Nirvana play, and Kurt dragged...

Sat, 18 May 2013 13:09:50 -0400

bam-cobain:

“It was time for Nirvana play, and Kurt dragged himself up and out of that dressing room, but this guy who looked like death warmed over got onstage and slayed the entire audience, putting on as good a show as you could ever want to see. Their raw energy, their musicality, their song selection, they were like a chain saw cutting through the night.” - Anthony Kiedis, “Scar Tissue,” pages 287-288.

wow.

(Still A) Weirdo.

I don’t think writing this will do me any good. I don’t think reading this will do you...

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quiet-stormwater: quiet-stormwater: What did eddie vedder say when he got across the road He...

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supermodelgif: “Best of Beauty” Doutzen Kroes by Mario Testino...

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bam-cobain: “It was time for Nirvana play, and Kurt dragged...